On Texting

On Texting the Guy You Like

“Guys don’t like texting like girls do. They just do it because girls force them.”

 

    Ah, the wonders of technology. Now, you don’t have to be in the same city, state, or even country to communicate with that guy you’re digging. Unfortunately, this opens many opportunities for you to be left heart broken and disappointed. Never fear though, I have figured out the art of texting the guy you like. It’s really quite simple, and it all boils down to DON’T THINK. I swear to god, don’t listen to your girlfriends. They have no more idea what a guy wants to hear than a nun does. Seriously, I never had trouble talking to boys through text until I got a solid group of friends who would all be like “does this sound okay” or “should I say this.” Probably the answer is no to both of those questions. Think about it, when you’re texting a guy you don’t like, you give them one word answers or don’t answer at all and what is the result? They’re head over heels for ya and sending you novels while you’re all “eh he’s just too nice.” Um hello, what do you think your prince charming is thinking about you when you send him these perfectly crafted conversation starters and weird questions? Exactly the same thing. Boys don’t want to text, bottom line. If he does I’d be a little weirded out. The only time you text 24/7 is when you have him as your boyfriend, which is never going to happen if you can’t get past the texting phase because you’re already asking what his mom’s like. Weird. So, this is what you do. Don’t think, and send the first thing that comes to your head, even if it’s “cool.” And I mean the word cool, not something super awesome. Because honestly, if you sit there and come up with this super flirty and cute text that you’re super excited about and he doesn’t text back, you’re going to be super sad. But if you didn’t put any thought into it, then it really doesn’t matter what he says back if he says anything at all! Then you tend to be less crazy, which leads to you NOT drunk texting him at 2 am super deep stuff about how he hates you and never wants to talk. Plus, if you aren’t desperately trying to keep a conversation going, then you’ll be able to tell if he really wants to talk to you. If you’re just bombarding him with questions of course he’ll answer and your delusional little mind will think he likes you. Reality is, even though texting isn’t face-to-face, people still feel bad about not responding to a direct question. So aspire to be rejected, try to get him to not respond, and if he does then you know he’s actually feeling you. If not, brush it off. But bottom line, treat him like that weirdo you gave your number to at the carnival last year after one too many 32 oz beers, and you’ll be golden. Guys love bitches. However, before getting too mean about his acne scars, refer to chapter two. And please ladies, if you ever do get this guy engaged in a conversation that HE is holding, refrain from texting your girls about how excited you are. That just always leads to you accidentally texting Peter “zomg I love Peter so much, we’re totally bonding over our mutual love for cupcakes right now,” and there’s no coming back from that.