Why Guys Love Bitches

“Guys love bitches. If you ignore him he will be up your butt for sure”

    Before you get all excited and start ripping your guy a new asshole, this statement needs a little clarification. Guys do like girls with a little edge; however, when girls find this out, they tend to take it to the extreme by being rude to his face or making out with his best friend in order to win him back. Wrong and WRONG. Guys like girls that aren’t on their dicks 24/7, that have a little spunk, and maybe don’t always try to meet up with them and have a life of their own. This isn’t a “bitch,” but it’s also not a nice girl. Nice girls would be at their side all night not wanting to talk to boys because it might offend them, while the type of girl guys like is talking to whoever and not really giving any thought to what said guy thinks. Guys like independence, and when needy girls see confident, independent girls acting like this they’re all “she’s such a bitch, she’s not even paying attention to her boyfriend I would hate that!” Meanwhile, he’s loving having space and being able to do his own thing. Plus, a little jealousy never hurt anyone. Back to making out with his best friend, there is ONE thing I absolutely wish girls would understand. Guys’ brains don’t work like girls’. For one thing, they’re not psychopaths, and another, they’re much more simple. If you mastermind a whole plan to flirt with his friends and make out with them in front of him, the guy will either a) sense that you’re trying to make him jealous and deem you a lunatic (quite accurate,) or b) think you’ve moved on and back off. Guys have too much pride to go confront you or text you later about how hurt he is. He’s going move on, and probably think you’re a bit promiscuous in the end. So please, play games because no one likes a nice girl. However, play the right ones. Talk to him, talk to your friends, talk to other guys, but talk to them because you want to, not because you’re going to be staring over that guy’s shoulder that you’re talking to so you can see if the guy you like sees you talking to this guy and is jealous. You just look crazy. Have fun, and enjoy your life without revolving everything around him. If you do, boys will just fall right into your lap. And one more thing, don’t confuse this with being outright mean. Once, a guy hurt me, so I would always say little snide remarks to put him down. No one likes that, and it’s really not nice at all. So he didn’t like me, not his fault, it was probably because I was a nut case. I don’t need to try to bring him down, because it’s mean and makes me look bad. Plus, everyone wants good karma and that is not the way to go!

On Texting

On Texting the Guy You Like

“Guys don’t like texting like girls do. They just do it because girls force them.”

 

    Ah, the wonders of technology. Now, you don’t have to be in the same city, state, or even country to communicate with that guy you’re digging. Unfortunately, this opens many opportunities for you to be left heart broken and disappointed. Never fear though, I have figured out the art of texting the guy you like. It’s really quite simple, and it all boils down to DON’T THINK. I swear to god, don’t listen to your girlfriends. They have no more idea what a guy wants to hear than a nun does. Seriously, I never had trouble talking to boys through text until I got a solid group of friends who would all be like “does this sound okay” or “should I say this.” Probably the answer is no to both of those questions. Think about it, when you’re texting a guy you don’t like, you give them one word answers or don’t answer at all and what is the result? They’re head over heels for ya and sending you novels while you’re all “eh he’s just too nice.” Um hello, what do you think your prince charming is thinking about you when you send him these perfectly crafted conversation starters and weird questions? Exactly the same thing. Boys don’t want to text, bottom line. If he does I’d be a little weirded out. The only time you text 24/7 is when you have him as your boyfriend, which is never going to happen if you can’t get past the texting phase because you’re already asking what his mom’s like. Weird. So, this is what you do. Don’t think, and send the first thing that comes to your head, even if it’s “cool.” And I mean the word cool, not something super awesome. Because honestly, if you sit there and come up with this super flirty and cute text that you’re super excited about and he doesn’t text back, you’re going to be super sad. But if you didn’t put any thought into it, then it really doesn’t matter what he says back if he says anything at all! Then you tend to be less crazy, which leads to you NOT drunk texting him at 2 am super deep stuff about how he hates you and never wants to talk. Plus, if you aren’t desperately trying to keep a conversation going, then you’ll be able to tell if he really wants to talk to you. If you’re just bombarding him with questions of course he’ll answer and your delusional little mind will think he likes you. Reality is, even though texting isn’t face-to-face, people still feel bad about not responding to a direct question. So aspire to be rejected, try to get him to not respond, and if he does then you know he’s actually feeling you. If not, brush it off. But bottom line, treat him like that weirdo you gave your number to at the carnival last year after one too many 32 oz beers, and you’ll be golden. Guys love bitches. However, before getting too mean about his acne scars, refer to chapter two. And please ladies, if you ever do get this guy engaged in a conversation that HE is holding, refrain from texting your girls about how excited you are. That just always leads to you accidentally texting Peter “zomg I love Peter so much, we’re totally bonding over our mutual love for cupcakes right now,” and there’s no coming back from that.